Updated: May 1
The truth about relationships
“Happiness lies in your own hands.” - Madonna.
When I became an adult, I finally found a partner I could rely on, and I led quite happy life. Then we started living together, and things changed. I figured out that my partner can't solve all my problems. Let's be honest - sometimes he couldn't solve his own issues and I was there for him to help with everything from housework to earning more money. At the beginning of my marriage, I was focused on solving the problems of my husband and the other family members. I did it because I really thought that it would make them happy. Well, my help brought a relief for some time, but then another problem appeared on the horizon, and everything started from the beginning.
Moreover, none of them could solve my problems. My husband is a bookworm, but he couldn't help me with a proper writing advise when I needed it. He also couldn't write a book instead of me. As a result, I was disappointed and distressed about my relationships. It lasted for years, until I visited one coaching session where I decided to take my writing career in my own hands. Then my life changed.
When people face to the problem they can't resolve, they often start complaining or looking for someone to 'rescue' them. They do it because blaming is easier than solving. At the same time, this immature approach doesn't work. Moreover, it leads to constant stress. As a result, we live in a sick, co-dependent society where people are afraid to make their own decisions not to 'hurt the others' (especially our parents or life partners).
Even though sometimes it seems hard to take responsibility in our own hands, it is the only way to improve our life. When you take the responsibility for your problems in your own hands, you receive a freedom.
The freedom of choice gives you a chance to:
Build healthier relationships with the others
If we have healthy relationships, we don’t need to control the emotions and actions of the others. When we think that our life quality depends on someone, we start looking for the ways of how we can manipulate this person. This manipulative approach might work but is has side effects: It doesn’t last long, and it leads to toxic, co-dependent relationships.
You might see this kind of relationships between parents and their adult kids who try to control each other’s life. We also can see it between the hyper-sensitive wives and their husbands. Stress from sick relationships doesn’t improve our lives. In opposite, it just makes us feel miserable.
When we put our personal problems on someone, we give them responsibility for the quality of our lives. But some problems just can't be solved by the others. Your health and career is your own responsibility. When you take it in your hands, you get a power to change your life.
Choose better career
When I came to conclusion that my partner won’t help me with my writing career, it ... set me free. All my life changed. I signed up for creative writing courses and started writing more. Since I became responsible for my skills developing, and I became more enthusiastic about my work. Surprisingly, my husband gave me a lot of support, and my enthusiasm inspired him for finding a better job.
I also took responsibility for my mistakes and it helped me to see the areas of improvement. My readers can agree or not agree with things that I write, but they are not responsible for the quality of my work. It is only me who can improve it, and I do so by writing better quality content.
If we are not satisfied with our job, we can always take control in our own hands. We can take courses or apply for promotion. This approach gives us the power to start building our life the way we want it.
Improve your health and well-being
When I got a bladder tumor several years ago, I needed someone to tell me that I would be OK. I was lucky to meet a good doctor who did the surgery. But after I went through recovery process, the doctor prescribed hormones that had many side effects. I experienced everything from mood change to weight gain. The same time these medications did not help reducing the pain. When I stopped taking hormones and I was scared — there was no one around who could guarantee that I won’t have the same problem in a future.
I was frustrated and distressed. Until I came to the same conclusion — I am the one who is responsible for my life. Since I had hormonal problems, I couldn't rely on doctors or medications only. This approach helped me to start exploring the other ways of improving my health. I changed my diet and started eating more veggies. I started to do yoga exercises every morning to improve my blood circulation. I went through acupuncture and learned about natural methods of stabilizing my hormonal balance. Eventually, I got rid of pain without using medications. I started feel better and became more active. I managed to improve my health, but not only. Now I have a knowledge about how to maintain my health.
Responsibility is a powerful tool that can improve our lives. Instead of getting stressed trying to change the others, I chose to change my own life. Of curse, some people disagreed with my choices and left, but it was for the best - they were people who tried to manipulate me. People who really cared about me stayed and gave me their support.
As soon as we take responsibility for our life in our hands, we start seeing meaningful changes. These changes have a huge impact on quality of our relationships, career, and health.
Thank you for reading!